How to Help Someone Who Is Grieving

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Here is some gentle guidance for friends and family who want to care well — even when they’re not sure how.

Sometimes, those of us who haven’t experienced the pain of losing someone we love aren’t sure how to care for someone who is grieving.

And even if we have known that pain, we can still find it hard to know what to say — or when to simply be present.

On this page you’ll find:

Next: Learning from an Ancient Grief

When support slips away

Gentle ways to care

Learning from an Ancient Grief

The Bible records the story of a “blameless and upright” man who lived around 2,000 BC and suffered deep loss. His name was Job (pronounced Jobe).

In a short time, he’s struck by wave after wave of grief. First, many of his servants are killed. Much of his livestock are killed or stolen. Then, during a family feast, all his children die when the house they are in collapses after high winds.

Upon hearing all of this, Job responds in grief and with difficult words:

“Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped. And he said, ‘Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.’ ”
— Job 1:20–21

But his suffering deepens. He’s struck with painful sores over his entire body:

And he took a piece of broken pottery with which to scrape himself while he sat in the ashes.
— Job 2:8

The Listening Ear and Presence of Friends

When his friends arrive, their response is simple and profound:

“And when they saw him from a distance, they did not recognize him. And they raised their voices and wept, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads toward heaven. And they sat with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was very great.”
— Job 2:12–13 (ESV)

It’s that last part many of us miss — and that some of us (Marc included) find hard to do:

“… no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was very great.”
— Job 2:13b (ESV)

The dark night of the soul

After this silence, Job pours out his heart.

His words are raw — and in Australian culture, we may struggle with their intensity.

But if you’re seeking to support someone who is grieving, it may help you understand something of what they may be feeling.

This is how Job begins:

“After this Job opened his mouth and cursed the day of his birth. And Job said:
“Let the day perish on which I was born,
and the night that said,
‘A man is conceived.’ “
— Job 3:1–3 (ESV)

A few verses later:

“Why did I not die at birth,
come out from the womb and expire?”
— Job 3:11 (ESV)

(To read all that Job says in this moment, see Job chapter 3 here.)

The grief of the person you know may be nothing like this. It might not feel as dark — or it might be difficult in different ways.

Either way, the point is the same:
be present and let them speak.

You don’t need to fix, compare, or explain. Just make space for their words — or their silence.

When support slips away

In the early days, many people check in. But care often fades after a few weeks.

You might reach out again around 6 to 8 weeks after the passing — when others have stepped back, but the grief may still be quietly heavy.

And then keep checking in — not every day, not with pressure — just enough to let them know they’re not forgotten.

Gentle ways to care

Reach out.
Get in touch and be available — even if you’re not sure what to say.

Listen more than you speak.
There may be no perfect words, but your quiet presence can mean a lot. Don’t be afraid to mention the person who has died.

Be thoughtful, not fix-it focused.
Avoid giving advice or using clichés. A simple “I’m so sorry” is more helpful than explanations.

Do something together.
A walk, a meal, a film — ordinary moments can gently ease the weight of grief.

Offer practical help.
A home-cooked meal, a bit of childcare, or errands done with love can be a real gift.

Remember later.
Support often fades too soon. A message or call on a birthday or anniversary can show you haven’t forgotten.

The advice above was adapted from the Grief and Loss page at healthdirect.gov.au. We encourage you to visit their site for more helpful information.